wordcount: 26,503
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So, since I have not blogged recently, I figured I should do so. I'm going to talk about something that annoys me now even as I think it's stupid. I guess I should give a little backstory so you know what I'm talking about.
Like, I'm friends with people on runescape, and yes, most of them are guys. There was guy who I was kind of his 'gf' for but after that I decided never again to be a 'gf' on the computer. It just doesn't work out. No matter how much I love the movie You've Got Mail where two people fall in love over e-mails and wish that could happen. Anyway, so when there's a guy I sort of like on runescape, I dislike it (not enough to stop making friends on rs though). I dislike it even more when this guy(s) I sort of like, talk to me one day a lot and it's interesting and the next day it's just awkward conversation. I also hate having this hopeful feeling that they're going to be on and when they are I'm excited but then I'm guarded because I don't know if it's going to be a good idea to talk to them or not. Usually I get on and I see what happens. haha, then.. if they act like they don't care, I try to act like I don't care more. Even though I do care, so I'm not really sure how that works. And then I try to think of schemes to make conversation or the person to notice me, but then I remember that I am not supposed to care... so even while I'm making ideas to talk to the person, I'm not caring, but I keep checking to see if he's said anything. That's how messed up it is! *sigh* Sometimes I just wish I really didn't care and then I would see what happens.
That's the thing about meeting people online (besides the fact that you can't really trust them. It's so hard to be trusting and yet cautious! Seriously, after I talk to someone I consider the possibility that what they're saying is fake and they're just trying to fool me. I don't like that feeling and it's the people who first started lyings' fault!) is that you don't know how they feel. Most people online probably are just like "Yeah, this is my buddy," or whatever, like in real life terms, just someone you knew the name. Not really anyone important. But there might be people, in real life terms, that you would be best friends with! I don't know if I'm buddy buddy with someone on rs (runescape) means anything in real life. Some people, I bet I would be friends with, and others I probably never would have had the chance to meet.
And, as much as I don't want to break the silence, and it's better that he or I get off, I feel sad when he does. And usually, sometimes... I'm thinking if one of them are on... and if they are, I want to get on even as I want to stay away. And then, if I get off (just so I don't have the urge to talk to him/them or have them log off without saying bye- that annoys me and I don't like it when they do that.. or when they say "bye" but leave a second later so it's basically the same thing) I pretend to get off and then I want to get back on...and if I ever decide (give in to weakness) to get back on... I usually find that they had just left, so then I don't get on (or do get on just to show that I'm not getting off because they're not on..). Maybe I should just give up runescape, but I like meeting people on it, even though this *gestures to this mess of a blog* is what happens! *sigh* I'm done.
-short blog, I know, but think of it this way! I wasn't going to write one but since I did.. it's better than nothing!
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