Monday, February 14, 2011
A Revelation
This is a short one since it's kind of a revelation. I think I didn't study enough for the test, it was stupidity. I thought I could be smart enough to do an awesome job from the work that I had done: I was wrong. Getting good grades takes work (although it is harder for some) and I will just have to work harder and not be as lazy. There is nothing I can do to change the past, only learn from my mistakes and try to make the future better. No, that will not change my feelings for it (I'm still beating myself up.) I wish I could have figured that out before. Wish me luck (although I fear I'll need much more than that.). I am going to be busy! At least, that's my goal. I have a LOT of work I could be doing, so it's time I started. Yay... haha. =(
Friday, February 11, 2011
Smart...or Not? A Pitty Party
Haaa, okay. I'm upset. I really don't think I'm cut out to be in college, I'm SUPER SCARED. Of what? Of failing of not being able to do my best, or even any best. So far, with my two ONLINE courses, i'm not doing too good. I mean,not horrible (notyet..) but still =(
Like, for my English 110, I had to write a paper.. I got an 88/100 =( Yes, my mom says it was her fault since she kind of umm *cough* "helped" me write it, but it won't go to her grade now will it? Don't worry, I don't blame my mom and it's still a B+, A average since of this other thing I did, but.. the first paper is supposed to give me security to work with! Not to add more pressure, so I can't have any room to fail =(
And then.. for my History 202 class, I took a Unit I test to take which was 4 chapters and 100 questions... I got.. 68/100 =( Why am I blogging about it? I don't know, i really shouldn't. It just makes me sad, and frustrated and really really scared. I don't feel like talking about it to people since I don't want to hear themtell me how smart I am, how it won't matter what grade I get.. because.. really, no matter how many people tell me I'm smart, the grades are still going to speak for themselves. Yes, it may not matter what grade I get, but it matters to me. To my family, (not like mom is going to show it).
My older siblings are getting straight A's, I believe. They won't fail, they really are smart. Me, I'm just.. me. =( I really don't think I'll get a perfect anything. I've this issue where I never get a perfect 100%, especially on the first try. I just psych myself out, so then I'll probably get like a 99, or yeah, something worse. Yes, I know I don't need 100%, not exactly, but MAN! I just wish that I could be as smart as everyone thinks I am. So this is kind of a downer. I thought that I was just being paranoid and trying not to expect the worse when I thought I would be bad at college and stuff, that I wouln't be able to get A's, but I didn't really think itwould happen! My online classes were supposed to show me that I was wrong.. instead, they're doing exactly the opposite. *sigh* It's going to be worse with in-class stuff, I really get socaught up in pressure. lol and stress, I hate talking aloud to a group of people I dont know. My mind is always fried when I'm on the spot, or when I should know something. I don't really think I work good under pressure... my mind just goes blank, and I'm ahorrible guesser. Seriously, if it was a True or False question, I prbaly would get 80% wrong if I had to guess them all. But it if was fill in the blank... that petifies me. Go me... I need more prayers. Maybe that was wrong, I forgot to pray before I took my test, or wrote my paper, or sent it in (yes, I know, it doesn't really affect it, but hey! faith helps!)
I'm just trying not to think about, talk about it, or feel it.. lol it's just stupid. i can't wait for the next four years to be over, maybe 5 years. of course, then it'll be worse since i'll have to worry about a job! like now.. i've applied to more places, but still no job. I REALLY don't think i'm lucky. Sigh* this doesn't really help, but at least there's people worse off than me.. (kind of evil to say that, right? but it puts it into perspective).
Maybe I spend too much time thinking I don't have todo anything to be good, instead of going out there and oing it.. but I don't know how to actually make it come true. Haha. well, there was my pitty party. I'msure I could add more on to it... but I won't.
Like, for my English 110, I had to write a paper.. I got an 88/100 =( Yes, my mom says it was her fault since she kind of umm *cough* "helped" me write it, but it won't go to her grade now will it? Don't worry, I don't blame my mom and it's still a B+, A average since of this other thing I did, but.. the first paper is supposed to give me security to work with! Not to add more pressure, so I can't have any room to fail =(
And then.. for my History 202 class, I took a Unit I test to take which was 4 chapters and 100 questions... I got.. 68/100 =( Why am I blogging about it? I don't know, i really shouldn't. It just makes me sad, and frustrated and really really scared. I don't feel like talking about it to people since I don't want to hear themtell me how smart I am, how it won't matter what grade I get.. because.. really, no matter how many people tell me I'm smart, the grades are still going to speak for themselves. Yes, it may not matter what grade I get, but it matters to me. To my family, (not like mom is going to show it).
My older siblings are getting straight A's, I believe. They won't fail, they really are smart. Me, I'm just.. me. =( I really don't think I'll get a perfect anything. I've this issue where I never get a perfect 100%, especially on the first try. I just psych myself out, so then I'll probably get like a 99, or yeah, something worse. Yes, I know I don't need 100%, not exactly, but MAN! I just wish that I could be as smart as everyone thinks I am. So this is kind of a downer. I thought that I was just being paranoid and trying not to expect the worse when I thought I would be bad at college and stuff, that I wouln't be able to get A's, but I didn't really think itwould happen! My online classes were supposed to show me that I was wrong.. instead, they're doing exactly the opposite. *sigh* It's going to be worse with in-class stuff, I really get socaught up in pressure. lol and stress, I hate talking aloud to a group of people I dont know. My mind is always fried when I'm on the spot, or when I should know something. I don't really think I work good under pressure... my mind just goes blank, and I'm ahorrible guesser. Seriously, if it was a True or False question, I prbaly would get 80% wrong if I had to guess them all. But it if was fill in the blank... that petifies me. Go me... I need more prayers. Maybe that was wrong, I forgot to pray before I took my test, or wrote my paper, or sent it in (yes, I know, it doesn't really affect it, but hey! faith helps!)
I'm just trying not to think about, talk about it, or feel it.. lol it's just stupid. i can't wait for the next four years to be over, maybe 5 years. of course, then it'll be worse since i'll have to worry about a job! like now.. i've applied to more places, but still no job. I REALLY don't think i'm lucky. Sigh* this doesn't really help, but at least there's people worse off than me.. (kind of evil to say that, right? but it puts it into perspective).
Maybe I spend too much time thinking I don't have todo anything to be good, instead of going out there and oing it.. but I don't know how to actually make it come true. Haha. well, there was my pitty party. I'msure I could add more on to it... but I won't.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Troubled Thoughts
I'm kind of a mess atm. I don't know who to talk to, so I'm making this blog. I really don't know who, although, since i'm making a blog and I only know one person who reads it that kind of means you (you know who you are) are going to read this. Of course, you'll have no idea what to do about it, but I need to talk so I'm blogging. ha, and if you want to talk to me about it afterward.. maybe offer suggestions.. although idk if I should be going to you since you're younger than I am...maybe you won't know how to handle any of this (I know I don't)
So, when I was thirteen and stuff, I was playing runescape. (I think i talked about that before). It's a virtual reality game. During that game I met a guy (name changed) called Gray. He kept 'asking' me to go out with him; and I kept saying no, but we were friends. I was young. Haha, then I told my sister about it, and she told me to say yes. So I said yes. lol peer pressure, I know. Well, let's just say I wasn't the best gf he probably ever had. I didn't go into the whole feeling thing, at all. In fact, I kind of broke up with him after a year, badly. He was on too much and I felt that as his "gf" i would have to be on. And, when I went on vaction, i felt obligated to send him e-mails and the whole thing about cards (birthdays, holidays) type things. But, then, after a while, I didn't look forward to getting on. I sort of found ways to stay away. For lent (Catholics it's 40 days when you like 'give something up' and stuff) and I gave up computer... and then I sort of gave up Gray, too. In fact, he told me that he loved me and I broke it up. I mean, it's not like I did it because he said so. It was like "You like me more than I like you..." type of thing. And, then it got worse since.. he kept sending e-mails so I blocked him. For months. My brother, who was also friends with Gray... told me he was in bad shape and "didn't I care?"
I don't know when this part is exactkly... so I'm going to say it now. Gray tried to kill himself. or at least said he did. I believe him though. And that's kind of because of me, plus, he said that I was the only reason he kept living...
Then, one day, I don't know why, I decided to unblock him. It was a bit strained at first, but then we got back to being friends. I think he was dating this other girl (name change) Sally at the time. For some stupid reason, I think I was a little jealous. Haha, i know, right? I think part of it was because she played runescape, and I met her a couple times online. I thought she liked him and he her when we were 'going out' haha so it was funny that afterward, they really did. Anyway, then Gray moved to where Sally was. Literally. And us four (with my brother) even hung out sometimes on runescape. Sometimes it would get a little awkward. I actually started liking Sally. Then... Gray and Sally started fighting. I tried to help him get back with her... weird right? But it didn't really work. I found out today that quote: "i obv cared about her. but one of the main reasons we didn't work. well. cause apparently. idk.. she said i cared to much about you :l. or something". So that stinks for me now.
Well, after their break up, he moved back. (different state than I) We still kept talking..I really tried to make a big deal about being 'just friends' and stuff. Still, even I knew that he liked me. *sigh* But I didn't do anything about it. I didn't like it; i just wish he'd move on, but he was still my friend. In fact... he tried to add me on facebook...I didn't. I don't know if is because I'm scared that I might like him or if it's because I don't. Or because I think I don't want him that much access to my life? Anyway...
Somehow my brother, call him Josh, thought it'd be cool if Gray came to visit. Here. And he did. Big awkwardness. I tried to stay away. It's so weird, right? I mean, I couldn't even get myself to talk to him. I didn't like being alone with him. He stayed for two weeks. My parents both thought that he was mostly Josh's friend, which is true. Even though Gray totally thinks I'm more his friend. I think this is why girls and guys aren't supposed to be friends.
Gray went back home and we started talking again. A lot, I mean, not like I tell him everything type thing. I dont even do that for anyone. I.. I don't know if I flirted or not with him. At least I wasn't like on purpose (if You're reading this and wanna see what i've saved.. just ask.. maybe you can tell me if I was or not) But I'm me.. so I might of. I just didn't act like I hated him or anything. Which, I know, if it's a person who likes you kind of means something. Or maybe I might've since I'm kind of stupid and I like knowing that a guy may like me. Yet we always stayed away from feelings. Until... like yesterday. We talked. And I could see him building up to it. I on't know why I seriously didn't just stop him. I maybe kind of even wanted him to say it? Maybe? To have him talk about it. Bad move. Now... blah. Then I get this (select quotes) " i hate this. idk.. and its not like i didnt just try to be friends.. i did.. have been.. but youre like. idk. everything." "really hope we can still talk lots.. only reason i actually care about living lol..". I don't know whyyyy he tried again after the first bombshell.
So now I'm feeling horrible, and like I wanna cry (that might have something to do with that... there's no one to talk to, and I don't know what i'm feeling... haha It's not like Sims where you have bars that tell you how much you like somebody) Because, really, how can a person like me this much and not have a happy ending? Then I start to think: Maybe I do like him. But then I try to imagine it...a nd it doesn't work. I tried it before; and I wasn't really happy. This is when I hope that I couldn't tell a lie for a day. Then I could say all of these things and figure out if it's true or not. Instead, I just have to guess. I'd rather be safe. I really really don't want another internet boyfriend. or the same one... Is it mean of me that I almost want to forget this whole thing? Move on? Although, I know if I do that, then Gray is gonna.. well, I don't think he'd move on. So then I'd be a total.. well, I don't know. something not very nice. Although.. even when I broke up with him before I was like 14, or something (maybe i was 14) I tried to cry because I thought Hey, this is how you're supposed to feel. I think I take too much on what I'm supposed to be feeling. Mind over matter you know. I kind of regret saying yes, and if not the yes, and talking to him again.
Plus, it's not like I tell anyone too much about Gray. Now, I just really want someone to talk to; but everyone's a sleep since.. hey, I'm a Night Owl. At least everyone I'd want to talk to. But i'm not too picky, but... haha if there was someone online who asked: i would want to tell them. A random stranger. But I've no idea how they're going to help; it's not like they can tell me what to do. I just want the right thing... I don't want to lie. haha, so if anyone is out there and wanting to talk... lol. Do I think he's a stalker? maybe, idk. haha. is that bad? What do I do? What would you do?
So.. there it is. My history. haha what I really want.. is a real life boyfriend so I don't have to worry about any guy online.
I think, if one of my friends came to me with this story (not that they'd be stupid enough to get into in the first place), I'd tell them to just be honest. really, that's the best road. Not to lie. See what happens.
P.S. I don't know if that made any sense. I think it's kind of jumbled.
And.. I'm going to post it since I'm tired of keeping it all to myself.
So, when I was thirteen and stuff, I was playing runescape. (I think i talked about that before). It's a virtual reality game. During that game I met a guy (name changed) called Gray. He kept 'asking' me to go out with him; and I kept saying no, but we were friends. I was young. Haha, then I told my sister about it, and she told me to say yes. So I said yes. lol peer pressure, I know. Well, let's just say I wasn't the best gf he probably ever had. I didn't go into the whole feeling thing, at all. In fact, I kind of broke up with him after a year, badly. He was on too much and I felt that as his "gf" i would have to be on. And, when I went on vaction, i felt obligated to send him e-mails and the whole thing about cards (birthdays, holidays) type things. But, then, after a while, I didn't look forward to getting on. I sort of found ways to stay away. For lent (Catholics it's 40 days when you like 'give something up' and stuff) and I gave up computer... and then I sort of gave up Gray, too. In fact, he told me that he loved me and I broke it up. I mean, it's not like I did it because he said so. It was like "You like me more than I like you..." type of thing. And, then it got worse since.. he kept sending e-mails so I blocked him. For months. My brother, who was also friends with Gray... told me he was in bad shape and "didn't I care?"
I don't know when this part is exactkly... so I'm going to say it now. Gray tried to kill himself. or at least said he did. I believe him though. And that's kind of because of me, plus, he said that I was the only reason he kept living...
Then, one day, I don't know why, I decided to unblock him. It was a bit strained at first, but then we got back to being friends. I think he was dating this other girl (name change) Sally at the time. For some stupid reason, I think I was a little jealous. Haha, i know, right? I think part of it was because she played runescape, and I met her a couple times online. I thought she liked him and he her when we were 'going out' haha so it was funny that afterward, they really did. Anyway, then Gray moved to where Sally was. Literally. And us four (with my brother) even hung out sometimes on runescape. Sometimes it would get a little awkward. I actually started liking Sally. Then... Gray and Sally started fighting. I tried to help him get back with her... weird right? But it didn't really work. I found out today that quote: "i obv cared about her. but one of the main reasons we didn't work. well. cause apparently. idk.. she said i cared to much about you :l. or something". So that stinks for me now.
Well, after their break up, he moved back. (different state than I) We still kept talking..I really tried to make a big deal about being 'just friends' and stuff. Still, even I knew that he liked me. *sigh* But I didn't do anything about it. I didn't like it; i just wish he'd move on, but he was still my friend. In fact... he tried to add me on facebook...I didn't. I don't know if is because I'm scared that I might like him or if it's because I don't. Or because I think I don't want him that much access to my life? Anyway...
Somehow my brother, call him Josh, thought it'd be cool if Gray came to visit. Here. And he did. Big awkwardness. I tried to stay away. It's so weird, right? I mean, I couldn't even get myself to talk to him. I didn't like being alone with him. He stayed for two weeks. My parents both thought that he was mostly Josh's friend, which is true. Even though Gray totally thinks I'm more his friend. I think this is why girls and guys aren't supposed to be friends.
Gray went back home and we started talking again. A lot, I mean, not like I tell him everything type thing. I dont even do that for anyone. I.. I don't know if I flirted or not with him. At least I wasn't like on purpose (if You're reading this and wanna see what i've saved.. just ask.. maybe you can tell me if I was or not) But I'm me.. so I might of. I just didn't act like I hated him or anything. Which, I know, if it's a person who likes you kind of means something. Or maybe I might've since I'm kind of stupid and I like knowing that a guy may like me. Yet we always stayed away from feelings. Until... like yesterday. We talked. And I could see him building up to it. I on't know why I seriously didn't just stop him. I maybe kind of even wanted him to say it? Maybe? To have him talk about it. Bad move. Now... blah. Then I get this (select quotes) " i hate this. idk.. and its not like i didnt just try to be friends.. i did.. have been.. but youre like. idk. everything." "really hope we can still talk lots.. only reason i actually care about living lol..". I don't know whyyyy he tried again after the first bombshell.
So now I'm feeling horrible, and like I wanna cry (that might have something to do with that... there's no one to talk to, and I don't know what i'm feeling... haha It's not like Sims where you have bars that tell you how much you like somebody) Because, really, how can a person like me this much and not have a happy ending? Then I start to think: Maybe I do like him. But then I try to imagine it...a nd it doesn't work. I tried it before; and I wasn't really happy. This is when I hope that I couldn't tell a lie for a day. Then I could say all of these things and figure out if it's true or not. Instead, I just have to guess. I'd rather be safe. I really really don't want another internet boyfriend. or the same one... Is it mean of me that I almost want to forget this whole thing? Move on? Although, I know if I do that, then Gray is gonna.. well, I don't think he'd move on. So then I'd be a total.. well, I don't know. something not very nice. Although.. even when I broke up with him before I was like 14, or something (maybe i was 14) I tried to cry because I thought Hey, this is how you're supposed to feel. I think I take too much on what I'm supposed to be feeling. Mind over matter you know. I kind of regret saying yes, and if not the yes, and talking to him again.
Plus, it's not like I tell anyone too much about Gray. Now, I just really want someone to talk to; but everyone's a sleep since.. hey, I'm a Night Owl. At least everyone I'd want to talk to. But i'm not too picky, but... haha if there was someone online who asked: i would want to tell them. A random stranger. But I've no idea how they're going to help; it's not like they can tell me what to do. I just want the right thing... I don't want to lie. haha, so if anyone is out there and wanting to talk... lol. Do I think he's a stalker? maybe, idk. haha. is that bad? What do I do? What would you do?
So.. there it is. My history. haha what I really want.. is a real life boyfriend so I don't have to worry about any guy online.
I think, if one of my friends came to me with this story (not that they'd be stupid enough to get into in the first place), I'd tell them to just be honest. really, that's the best road. Not to lie. See what happens.
P.S. I don't know if that made any sense. I think it's kind of jumbled.
And.. I'm going to post it since I'm tired of keeping it all to myself.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Blank Page
Now, you may wonder why I titled this blog the way I did. As you can see, this is indeed not a blank page. If it was a blank page, you would probably be very bored and confused. After all, why would I submit an empty post? It would go against almost every rule of blogging. For is not blogging meant for you, as a writer, to express yourself through words? Well, I don't really know about that. Which begs the question: why do I blog? That is a very good question. In fact, I don't even really know. Because mostly I dislike having other people know my business. Or at least certain people. I am a very private person, you see. I don't even know why; it's just who I am. So why do I write a blog every so often that usually is telling something personal about me? Not all the time, mind you, but a blog is all about opinions (usually) so it is hard to keep from getting invovled in your blog. So really I don't know why. I guess it is because my friend said, "You should write a blog!" or "do one two!" That, I guess, was my story in how I started this blog. I had another blog area. I did not much like that one because (haha) no one really read it, and really.. it gets boring writing to yourself. Just as books are meant to be held and opened and read, so are blogs-minus the holding part. Anyway...
The reason why I named this post "Blank Page" is well, I like those words. I don't know why, but they have a real.. deep meaning to them. It's almost as if it's abstract. There was this one place, on the computer, where if I opened a new browser or something it would come up as 'blank page' and when I saw that for the first time.. I was like: wow. That would be something to name my blog. So, although I haven't changed A Night Owl Hoots in favour of Blank Page because I still like what I have. However, if I ever made a new one, I think I would call it that.
Blank Page. What do you think of when you read those two words? I think of a new start, a brighter future; as if anything is possible. A blank page. So yes, I get all sentimental when I see that. It fills me with hope. Ah *sigh* it's great. lol So this might have been a boring post; I am not going to apologize. Be thankful you got one at all =P jk. Sorry if it was boring, and somewhat short. I guess... hmm.. well, there's just a lot of stuff on my mind so I suppoe if I told you about that it still might be boring but at least it would be longer! lol
To make what I would normally say in a huge, confusing paragraph I'm going to like, have separate paragraphs for different days.
1. Wednesday: my uncle is staying with my family at our house until friday. School-earlier than I've been getting up (which is late) because my mom is all about maintaining public (my uncle's) opinion. Going to the library so the librarian can go over my Letter for this one contest. Have people over at my house because of my uncle. Also, this is when a cousin of mine comes in. My family likes to get together with him and his family. We usually have pizza and play cards.
*Sometime this day I'll have to make up my GS homework (make a dancing page)
** Finish my GS Christmas gift which still has about 10-30 minutes left of work on it.
***And also study for the ACT which is going to be on Saturday (soo earlly). But, according to the practice tests i've taken, will only be a 23. That is 2 less than I got the first time I took it.
2. Thursday: my uncle is still here. After school, I go to GS and maybe ring the bell for money. Then we'll probably have my other cousin over to play cards with and such.
** (I don't know if this is clear enough, so I am going to make it. It's taking the other two "**" and putting them here. so whenever you see "**" just think of "Finish my GS Christmas gift which still has about 10-30 minutes left of work on it." same goes for ***, except about the ACT...)
***
3. Friday: School. My uncle leaves. Maybe go to this library thing that I said I would help with, but might probably go to my gma's for a birthday party. Hang out there.
**
***
4. Saturday: ACT (=( ) church where I am singing at, getting ready for GS christmas party. Probably having family over to play cards and such.
**
5. Sunday: Get ready for the GS party. Go the the GS Christmas Party. If it is not too late, have people over again to play cards and such.
6. Monday: School-back to regular subjects since I've been studying for the ACT the past week. Grandma's and get ready for my other cousin (different side) who is going to be living with us for as long as he can as he goes to college (this is his second time trying to go to school here- maybe this time it will stick. I can only pray.).
7. Tuesday: School. and my cousin comes. and that will be the end of my list. However.. during well, the whole time.. I'll also be trying to do (but I probably won't accomplish):
The reason why I named this post "Blank Page" is well, I like those words. I don't know why, but they have a real.. deep meaning to them. It's almost as if it's abstract. There was this one place, on the computer, where if I opened a new browser or something it would come up as 'blank page' and when I saw that for the first time.. I was like: wow. That would be something to name my blog. So, although I haven't changed A Night Owl Hoots in favour of Blank Page because I still like what I have. However, if I ever made a new one, I think I would call it that.
Blank Page. What do you think of when you read those two words? I think of a new start, a brighter future; as if anything is possible. A blank page. So yes, I get all sentimental when I see that. It fills me with hope. Ah *sigh* it's great. lol So this might have been a boring post; I am not going to apologize. Be thankful you got one at all =P jk. Sorry if it was boring, and somewhat short. I guess... hmm.. well, there's just a lot of stuff on my mind so I suppoe if I told you about that it still might be boring but at least it would be longer! lol
To make what I would normally say in a huge, confusing paragraph I'm going to like, have separate paragraphs for different days.
1. Wednesday: my uncle is staying with my family at our house until friday. School-earlier than I've been getting up (which is late) because my mom is all about maintaining public (my uncle's) opinion. Going to the library so the librarian can go over my Letter for this one contest. Have people over at my house because of my uncle. Also, this is when a cousin of mine comes in. My family likes to get together with him and his family. We usually have pizza and play cards.
*Sometime this day I'll have to make up my GS homework (make a dancing page)
** Finish my GS Christmas gift which still has about 10-30 minutes left of work on it.
***And also study for the ACT which is going to be on Saturday (soo earlly). But, according to the practice tests i've taken, will only be a 23. That is 2 less than I got the first time I took it.
2. Thursday: my uncle is still here. After school, I go to GS and maybe ring the bell for money. Then we'll probably have my other cousin over to play cards with and such.
** (I don't know if this is clear enough, so I am going to make it. It's taking the other two "**" and putting them here. so whenever you see "**" just think of "Finish my GS Christmas gift which still has about 10-30 minutes left of work on it." same goes for ***, except about the ACT...)
***
3. Friday: School. My uncle leaves. Maybe go to this library thing that I said I would help with, but might probably go to my gma's for a birthday party. Hang out there.
**
***
4. Saturday: ACT (=( ) church where I am singing at, getting ready for GS christmas party. Probably having family over to play cards and such.
**
5. Sunday: Get ready for the GS party. Go the the GS Christmas Party. If it is not too late, have people over again to play cards and such.
6. Monday: School-back to regular subjects since I've been studying for the ACT the past week. Grandma's and get ready for my other cousin (different side) who is going to be living with us for as long as he can as he goes to college (this is his second time trying to go to school here- maybe this time it will stick. I can only pray.).
7. Tuesday: School. and my cousin comes. and that will be the end of my list. However.. during well, the whole time.. I'll also be trying to do (but I probably won't accomplish):
- I want to start on this other scholarship thingy or more than one, actually
- I want to get my license even though I don't go around telling people that. I know that it is time for me to do so. I just don't like driving when other people are in the car- or at least people who will make a big deal out of it or fun of me. And, if I could, I would do that on my own- but I can't. I need a 21 year old or older and that doesn't leave many options, especially if I don't want a big deal.
- I need/want (idk which one) a job. I don't really know how to go about getting about myself.. since I'm too timid and I'll think it'll change their opinion about me or something. Like, "Wow, you're looking for a job and you're 17? You should have gotten one before!" and, "Too bad! We don't want to give you it." Probably not exactly like that, I don't really know what goes on in my head. But I need one because...college won't pay for itself, I know my mom is kind of worried about having mine and my younger sister still need paying for... But I don't really want a job. A job will ruin what little of a routine I have and take away my free time (which is a lot, I know.. but still!). Plus, I'll be so nervous. Like, I think I'm a nice person and I can talk to people, but that's only with people I know. Usually I freeze up and then I don't talk to anyone- which makes me embarrassed and that's no fun. If I'm quiet, people won't get to know me and if people don't get to know me, they won't know me and I'm awesome =P. haha, okay that was kind of.. idk.. building myself up?
- I also want to finish my novel (that is actually why I'm still blogging- I'm procrastinating), but I don't much like it at the moment. Like, I want to just start it at this other (further along point) and write from there.. but i need to get the story from point A to point B. blah.
- Furthermore, I still LOVE talking to my friends on the computer, although.. maybe I should stop getting on where I can talk to people. Because, although I love them and everything, I don't like leaving when I'm talking to them if I don't have a good enough reason to. I've used "I've been on too long, so I'm going to go." but I don't like that one as much as having a legit reason. Which is why it's almost better for me not to get on. I dislike saying "I'm going to do something else." Probably because to me, it sounds like "You're not interesting enough to stay on for..." and I really dislike that.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Tangled: The After Post *Spoiler*
Flower, gleam and glow
Let your power shine
Make the clock reverse
Bring back what once was mine
Heal what has been hurt
Change the Fates' design
Save what has been lost
Bring back what once was mine
What once was mine
Tangled... I am WOW. I LOVED IT! It might very well be my new favorite Disney movie! Although, isn't that how it always is? You see a movie/listen to a song/read a book and it is instantly your new favorite? It is funny how that happens, isn't it? Yes, I dislike some parts and I wish there was more songs.. yada yada, but not every movie can live up to expectations (especially the ones I make...). I love Mandy Moore btw, and the guy, Zachary Levi, has an amazing voice too! My favorite song is: I See The Light. lol I seriously get teared up (slightly- not enough to actually cry) because it is so good. =D
The story... is just amazing! I mean, yeah, I don't really like the "mom", she is really a creepy character. Why would you want to stay young forever anyway? If you're hundreds of years old already, what else out there could be new and worth living for? But at the ending, Rapunzel is going to give up her basically, will to save her true love. And he would rather die than to let Rapunzel do that. It's such a great story! And how he actually is willing to die (by cutting off her healing power to a shockingly fashionable bob) than to let her sacrifice herself over to 'mom' (i forget her name).
How would you like to live in a tower for eighteen years? (well, eightyears minus one day.. plus however she was when she was taken). I don't know about you, but I would be really bored. In the opening, how she sings about what she does in ONE day. It's like WOOOW. You would think that the walls would have already been painted over by now. It would take me a while to get all of that done. But I suppose she has had a lot of practice... no wonder she talks to Pascal! Btw... Pascal is amazing. He is so cute and wise! I love him. =D I think the horse, Maximus, acting like a dog was a bit silly... it was alright and I know it probably thrills young views, but for teens I just think they should not have done that.
Some things I wonder about the movie: Like.. if the magic hair and song is to keep you from aging, shouldn't that mean, whenever Rapunzel sings it, she should grow younger? Of course, maybe it is after you reach a certain age... Plus, how her tears bring healing powers, does that mean her children, too, might be magical in that way? Rapunzel sure seemed to turn out nice considering how she grew up and who her 'mother' was. You would think that her 'mom' would not even try to be nice (although she wasn't that nice- it was not like she had Rapunzel doing lots of chores [she just did them anyway...]) or even a bit motherly. Example.. when they say "I love you." "I love you more." (Rapunzel) "I love you most." You would also think that Rapunzel as a child might have escaped the tower before- you know how children are.
Another thing, I love Disney and everything, but I think they're sending a mixed message here. Like, you're supposed to "listen to your mother" but she's crazy, so it's okay to defy her by sneaking out? And at 18, you're old enough to go off with a guy? practically a stranger all because you won't tell him where you hid his treasure? Does love really happen in just one/two days? You would think that any guy she met she would like, but she had to go further than that and find her other half? Without even trying either! Lucky girl =D. It also sends somewhat positive note: to follow your dream! Everyone has one (some better than others). Oh, what I would like to know is how she met Pascal, that's not really a bad thing, just a back story which I am curious about. And about how Flynn became a notorious thief- what else he stole yada yada. Doesn't the movie kind of remind you of Aladdin? A streetrat (in this case Flynn) is on the run from guards and stumbles upon a princess in disguise (well, Rapunzel doesn't know she is a princess so I think that is a disguise) and they have this connection. Both of the movies even use "crystal clear" (In a whole new world and in I see the light).
I love her hair, yeah I think it's too long and how she managed to move about with that dragging her down idk, but it is magical. or how it managed to remain so slick. =P I want her hair! Her day would be a fun (almost) 18th Birthday Gift. I hope that with all the money Disney brought in they might reconsider more Disney Princess movies, because I don't know about you, but after I left that theater I wanted to go right back in (an hour or so later) and watch it again. It's just the kind of movie you want to watch again. I know that is one movie that I am definitely going to have to own and it'll be added onto the list of Disney movies which I watch!
Let your power shine
Make the clock reverse
Bring back what once was mine
Heal what has been hurt
Change the Fates' design
Save what has been lost
Bring back what once was mine
What once was mine
Tangled... I am WOW. I LOVED IT! It might very well be my new favorite Disney movie! Although, isn't that how it always is? You see a movie/listen to a song/read a book and it is instantly your new favorite? It is funny how that happens, isn't it? Yes, I dislike some parts and I wish there was more songs.. yada yada, but not every movie can live up to expectations (especially the ones I make...). I love Mandy Moore btw, and the guy, Zachary Levi, has an amazing voice too! My favorite song is: I See The Light. lol I seriously get teared up (slightly- not enough to actually cry) because it is so good. =D
The story... is just amazing! I mean, yeah, I don't really like the "mom", she is really a creepy character. Why would you want to stay young forever anyway? If you're hundreds of years old already, what else out there could be new and worth living for? But at the ending, Rapunzel is going to give up her basically, will to save her true love. And he would rather die than to let Rapunzel do that. It's such a great story! And how he actually is willing to die (by cutting off her healing power to a shockingly fashionable bob) than to let her sacrifice herself over to 'mom' (i forget her name).
How would you like to live in a tower for eighteen years? (well, eightyears minus one day.. plus however she was when she was taken). I don't know about you, but I would be really bored. In the opening, how she sings about what she does in ONE day. It's like WOOOW. You would think that the walls would have already been painted over by now. It would take me a while to get all of that done. But I suppose she has had a lot of practice... no wonder she talks to Pascal! Btw... Pascal is amazing. He is so cute and wise! I love him. =D I think the horse, Maximus, acting like a dog was a bit silly... it was alright and I know it probably thrills young views, but for teens I just think they should not have done that.
Some things I wonder about the movie: Like.. if the magic hair and song is to keep you from aging, shouldn't that mean, whenever Rapunzel sings it, she should grow younger? Of course, maybe it is after you reach a certain age... Plus, how her tears bring healing powers, does that mean her children, too, might be magical in that way? Rapunzel sure seemed to turn out nice considering how she grew up and who her 'mother' was. You would think that her 'mom' would not even try to be nice (although she wasn't that nice- it was not like she had Rapunzel doing lots of chores [she just did them anyway...]) or even a bit motherly. Example.. when they say "I love you." "I love you more." (Rapunzel) "I love you most." You would also think that Rapunzel as a child might have escaped the tower before- you know how children are.
Another thing, I love Disney and everything, but I think they're sending a mixed message here. Like, you're supposed to "listen to your mother" but she's crazy, so it's okay to defy her by sneaking out? And at 18, you're old enough to go off with a guy? practically a stranger all because you won't tell him where you hid his treasure? Does love really happen in just one/two days? You would think that any guy she met she would like, but she had to go further than that and find her other half? Without even trying either! Lucky girl =D. It also sends somewhat positive note: to follow your dream! Everyone has one (some better than others). Oh, what I would like to know is how she met Pascal, that's not really a bad thing, just a back story which I am curious about. And about how Flynn became a notorious thief- what else he stole yada yada. Doesn't the movie kind of remind you of Aladdin? A streetrat (in this case Flynn) is on the run from guards and stumbles upon a princess in disguise (well, Rapunzel doesn't know she is a princess so I think that is a disguise) and they have this connection. Both of the movies even use "crystal clear" (In a whole new world and in I see the light).
I love her hair, yeah I think it's too long and how she managed to move about with that dragging her down idk, but it is magical. or how it managed to remain so slick. =P I want her hair! Her day would be a fun (almost) 18th Birthday Gift. I hope that with all the money Disney brought in they might reconsider more Disney Princess movies, because I don't know about you, but after I left that theater I wanted to go right back in (an hour or so later) and watch it again. It's just the kind of movie you want to watch again. I know that is one movie that I am definitely going to have to own and it'll be added onto the list of Disney movies which I watch!
Thursday, December 2, 2010
A Before Post!
Wordcount: 52,420
Yes, I know that Nanowrimo is over, sadly, but since I haven't yet finished my book (although I did get the 50k words on time!) I might as well keep filling you all in.
Back to the orgininal thing. I want to talk about how pysched I am about seeing Tangled tonight! And then, after, right an "After" blog saying what I really thought about it. Crafty, right? You wouldn't have thought that I just came up with it because I haven't blogged in a long time and wanted a topic now would you? =D I've seen the commercials and read some reviews, and let me tell you, I think it's going to be a smash. It actually is a hit because it brought in only 1 million less than Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part I! Yes, this disney movie may be the last of the disney princess's for some time, a fact which saddens me greatly since- when all is said and done- the Disney Princess movies are just amazing, because of the whole 'they're not making enough money.' Now, I'm aware that you need money to make movies, and that, for most people, making a good profit is all that they want; but what about making a good movie? Shouldn't that also be apart of the movie-making business? I think so. I thought Disney was a big enough company, a good company, that could make its own movies. Yes, the world is changing and everything is turning "modern" and people want to "grow up" so disney princess movies don't really appeal to the average person anymore. But I think that we all need to be reminded that we still have a kid in us and that is where disney comes in. Or at least it used to. Now, I'm not going to say that Disney is going to make bad movies which I won't want to see- I probably will want to see and will love, I just hoped that classics can continue.
On another note, I really am looking forward to see Tangled. My one friend already sent me a link to a song, and I was like "Ahhhh, I love this," but since I hadn't seen it I could not force myself to finish it. lol Even though it's more for "male" viewers and stuff, I'm pretty sure it'll be awesome! Although.. how can a princess movie be toward the guys? Yeah, I know Aladdin has a princess in it...so, I have high hopes. Well, I gotta go or I'm going to be late to see it *gasp!* which will not be a good thing at all. I wouldn't have the "After" part to write then. I'm sorry about the editing then- since I did not do any of it, because if I did, I would have to save this as a draft.. and then it would almost be not worth posting, so here it is!
Yes, I know that Nanowrimo is over, sadly, but since I haven't yet finished my book (although I did get the 50k words on time!) I might as well keep filling you all in.
Back to the orgininal thing. I want to talk about how pysched I am about seeing Tangled tonight! And then, after, right an "After" blog saying what I really thought about it. Crafty, right? You wouldn't have thought that I just came up with it because I haven't blogged in a long time and wanted a topic now would you? =D I've seen the commercials and read some reviews, and let me tell you, I think it's going to be a smash. It actually is a hit because it brought in only 1 million less than Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part I! Yes, this disney movie may be the last of the disney princess's for some time, a fact which saddens me greatly since- when all is said and done- the Disney Princess movies are just amazing, because of the whole 'they're not making enough money.' Now, I'm aware that you need money to make movies, and that, for most people, making a good profit is all that they want; but what about making a good movie? Shouldn't that also be apart of the movie-making business? I think so. I thought Disney was a big enough company, a good company, that could make its own movies. Yes, the world is changing and everything is turning "modern" and people want to "grow up" so disney princess movies don't really appeal to the average person anymore. But I think that we all need to be reminded that we still have a kid in us and that is where disney comes in. Or at least it used to. Now, I'm not going to say that Disney is going to make bad movies which I won't want to see- I probably will want to see and will love, I just hoped that classics can continue.
On another note, I really am looking forward to see Tangled. My one friend already sent me a link to a song, and I was like "Ahhhh, I love this," but since I hadn't seen it I could not force myself to finish it. lol Even though it's more for "male" viewers and stuff, I'm pretty sure it'll be awesome! Although.. how can a princess movie be toward the guys? Yeah, I know Aladdin has a princess in it...so, I have high hopes. Well, I gotta go or I'm going to be late to see it *gasp!* which will not be a good thing at all. I wouldn't have the "After" part to write then. I'm sorry about the editing then- since I did not do any of it, because if I did, I would have to save this as a draft.. and then it would almost be not worth posting, so here it is!
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
5-Minute Blog (but will take more than that to read unless you're a speedy reader)
wordcount:34,639
wordgoal:38,341
soo that equals... a lot of work: 3,702.. and that's before I fall asleep..
This is literally going to take 5 minutes since I really need to get my act together and write. lol. And, I can still make a long enough blog because I already typed up what I'm going to post! No, I did not like, sit here and write up a blog and then saved it (without posting it). I'm just going to post my story which I did not read aloud in AAA. Why? One, because I did not really felt like it went with the prompt (Where you write a dramatic scene where you're senseless- get it? Like, you can't see/hear/touch/taste/smell.). I know prompts are just to get you writing, but I couldn't help it. Plus, I felt it was bad and I do not really care if I post something bad on here. =P
P.S. COMING SOON: On DISNEY MOVIES- like why Disney wants to stop making Princess movies because they do not get enough of a variety of audiance..
P.S.S. Also Coming Soon: Why some people can be better bloggers than others. =D
wordgoal:38,341
soo that equals... a lot of work: 3,702.. and that's before I fall asleep..
This is literally going to take 5 minutes since I really need to get my act together and write. lol. And, I can still make a long enough blog because I already typed up what I'm going to post! No, I did not like, sit here and write up a blog and then saved it (without posting it). I'm just going to post my story which I did not read aloud in AAA. Why? One, because I did not really felt like it went with the prompt (Where you write a dramatic scene where you're senseless- get it? Like, you can't see/hear/touch/taste/smell.). I know prompts are just to get you writing, but I couldn't help it. Plus, I felt it was bad and I do not really care if I post something bad on here. =P
Six men. The observation came from a tall, somewhat unkept man named Maurd. They’re carrying something heavy. Outside of the warehouse in the middle of nowhere came the footsteps of men as they tried to tread stealthily through the gravel. To the lone man inside, their footsteps could have been gunshots from all the noise they were unaware of making. Their breathing came in short, easy to hear, breaths. Their shoes fell on rocks and twigs which gave a distinct sound. The man at the back of the group was even worse, giving the suggestion that he was the one bringing the package or something which slowed him down.
Idoits. Maurd thought with disgust. They make their best fighter have an extra burden? The rugged man was not going to complain too much, but an even fight was difficult to come by.
“Why did we bring it with us?´ A rough voice spoke in a whisper from outside. It must be what they are carrying. Maurd deduced, straining his ears to hear the reply.
“Shh!” Another man hissed. “Just do as you are told.” They had almost reached Maurd’s hideout. Their perimeter was in place. Only a couple of more feet until they were right outside. How will they get inside? Maurd wondered curiously. If they were Bullboys, as he suspected, then they would plow right through the thin walls. I hope they don’t cave it in. He was not particularly worried however.
Maurd positioned himself in the middle of the unlit room. They men were attacking at night. Stupid people, he thought. There was a crash and Maurd, who had once been alone, was not surrounded. The intruders yelled intending to confuse, frighten and intimate their opponents, but Maurd cast it aside. There was a heavy *twack* on the floor as if an object had been thrown.
The Bullboys all charged at once, their sharp swords unmistakably aiming for Maurd’s heart. With some fancy maneuvering on Maurd’s part, the men found that they had taken out two of their own men and no Maurd. While their confusion turned to anger, Maurd attacked, his piercing sword cutting two men down mercilessly.
Now it was two against one, still hardly a fair fight for the intruders. Maurd was not in the mood for being forgiving, struck the second to last Bullboy with his lightning reflects.
And now there was one. The two fighters circled trying to seize an opening. Maurd used his familiarity of the battle ground to make the man, who was too busy calculating to pay attention to the surroundings, trip. The man rolled and would have been standing in an instant if Maurd’s blade had not gotten to him first.
Now, for the package. When he had been fighting, Maurd had kept all thoughts on the fight, but now he could focus on other things. However, when the warrior inspected the spot where he thought the package was, there was nothing.
“Ahh,” he spoke aloud. The package had been a person. “I know you are here,” he said. “I will find you,” he promised. Maurd turned his head slowly with his eyes closed in an effort to help his ears focus on any anomaly. There, he thought in a corner of the room. There was slightly heavy, fear-ridden breathing coming from the back wall. He walked toward it, moving gracefully across the cluttered floor. As he reached the hunched figure, his sword swung out in a unforgiving blow, but it was halted before it could make contact.
“You’re a girl,” he said incredulously.
“Of course I am,” she said not understanding why that should save her, or cause such shock.
“Why are you here?” he asked.
“I was kidnapped by these men,” she held her tied hands up to show him, but he did not react in any way. “Aren’t you going to cut me loose?”
“I’m sorry? You’re tied up?” He sounded confused.
The girl’s eyes furrowed in puzzlement; her hands, and the rope binding them, was in plain sight. “Yes,” she rose to her feet, a bit difficult without the use of her hands.
Maurd heard her walk toward him and wondered why. Then he felt a breeze by his face and quick as a whip, caught her arm. His fingers felt the rough, uneven rope and said, “I see.” Before releasing her.
“How can you see when your hair is in the way?” She parted his dirty, blonde hair before he could stop her again. His eyes were light blue, the kind of eyes that lacked a certain something. “You’re blind!” she gasped surprised.
“Yes,” he did not sound offended by her frank outburst.
“But I saw what you did to these men,” her eyes roamed over all of the fallen. “How is it possible?”
“One does not need eyes to see,” he said simply.
So, there you go! That is my 5-minute blog. Enjoy!P.S. COMING SOON: On DISNEY MOVIES- like why Disney wants to stop making Princess movies because they do not get enough of a variety of audiance..
P.S.S. Also Coming Soon: Why some people can be better bloggers than others. =D
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